My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
