im about as happy as oj after his trial
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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