also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
