wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
