The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
