addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
