walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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