she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
