dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
