chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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