ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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