I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
