So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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