you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
