In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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