I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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