I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I still have a little drunk in my system
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
