You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
