Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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