oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
