if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
