he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
