It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
