Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
