come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
i need some magic done to my vagina
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
