I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
the condom got lost in my hair
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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