omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
