And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
