Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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