Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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