Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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