I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
