He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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