im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
