don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
