Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
