I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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