my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
wow bdsm is so cute
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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