I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
