The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
