I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
