Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
