wrigley field is MILF paradise
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
