My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
