beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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