Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So here I am, sexting at work.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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