my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
True strength comes from lack of pants
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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