i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
