Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
