I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
