Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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