Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
