Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
