Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
