I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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